Fraternizing with the Neighbors

June 13, 2010

I live in a student neighborhood in between a fraternity house and a sorority house. Since my apartment building does not have air-conditioning, I have to keep my window open in order to survive the summer. As luck would have it, my window is directly above the spot where the frat boys and sorority girls gather to smoke cigarettes and chatter away like a flock of exotic, drunken, pill-popping birds. Here are some of the conversations I have overheard.

WHITE BOY WITH HAT TURNED SIDEWAYS: Did you hear what happened in Haiti?

WHITE GIRL WITH HAIR EXTENSIONS: My dad owns a house there.

WHITE BOY WITH HAT TURNED SIDEWAYS: Not anymore. There was a tornado. Blew up everything.

WHITE GIRL WITH HAIR EXTENSIONS: I should text my dad. I really like that house.

….

SCREAMING GIRL APPARENTLY NAMED AMY: You are such an…(drunken slurring noise that kind of sounds like “asshole”). Jack! I hate you! IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou! Jack! Where’s my shoe?

SCREAMING BOY APPARENTLY NAMED JACK: Leave me alone! Amy! Amy! Amy! I didn’t want to come to this party anyhow! Amy! Why’d you pour out my drink? Amy!

SCREAMING GIRL APPARENTLY NAMED AMY: I wanted to go to…(drunken slurring noise that kind of sounds like “another party”). Jack, I need my shoe! Shoe! Shoe! JACK!

SCREAMING BOY APPARENTLY NAMED JACK: I wanted to watch the game! Amy! I could be watching the game! Amy! I hate this party! Amy!

SCREAMING GIRL APPARENTLY NAMED AMY: Jack! Shoe!

SCREAMING BOY APPARENTLY NAMED JACK: Amy! You left it in the tree!

….

STONER #1: Dude, there are a lot of squirrels around here. It’s weird.

STONER #2: I know, dude. There are so many hot girls in Boulder.

(Pause)

STONER #1: I said “squirrels.”

STONER #2: What?

STONER #1: I said “SQUIRRELS”!

STONER #2: There’s this totally hot girl in my bio class.

(Longer pause)

STONER #1: They’re just rats with fluffy tales, dude. It’s strange that there’s, like, so many of them. I wonder what they want.

STONER #2: They want your money, dude. That’s all girls ever want.

STONER #1: Why would a squirrel want my money?

STONER #2: I don’t know. What are we talking about?

STONER #1: You said something about squirrels.

(Extremely long pause)

STONER #2: Oh, right. The girls in Boulder are really hot, dude.

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2 Responses to “Fraternizing with the Neighbors”

  1. Dale Bridges Says:

    Hi!
    I AM Dale Bridges too. It was kinda freaky seeing you online… I’m a female, unlike most Dale’s. Anyway, it’s a little upsetting knowing others are out there with MY name. I just hope that you have a good reputation and are doing whatever is necessary to have a good life. I’m 56 years old but I am like Rachel Welch in that my body looks younger than it is. My mother just died recently at the age of 96 so I definitely have good genes. I have trouble dealing with death, so hopefully soon I’ll be back to normal. Crazy world, huh? I hope you are a decent person…
    Dale

  2. Dale Bridges Says:

    I hope the above is not for real…


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